Dear Grocery Store Cashier,
I think I hate grocery shopping almost as much as you hate working here. Ha, ha, No, I'm not pyschic or even especially insightful, your whole demeanor screams this attitude, Yes REALLY. Thank you for ringing up my order and practicing your shotput exercises all at the same time. See the bag, it's labeled PRETZELS, Not PRETZELS' Dust.
Signed, Next Time I'm Sending the Hubby
Dear Mom and Pop Petstore Owner,
I really appreciate and want to support the small business owner over the big chains. Plus, you are the closest store who carries our dog's kibble, so it's been a Win/Win. Now, not so much, not since I WATCHED you WATCH Me struggle with 30 lbs of dogfood, a purse, keys, and a kid while you smoked your cigarette by the front door. You even thanked me as we walked through your cloud of smoke while juggling all my stuff. At least the big chains offer carts and carryout service. Enjoy your smokes.
Signed, An UnLoyal Customer
Dear Department Store Merchandise Buyer,
Flutter and puffed sleeves (make that Puffed Anything!!) are not a good look for anyone over 30 y/o, no, make that anyone who doesn't work out as much as Madonna. Which is what, like 99.99999999999999999999999999999% of the female population? Also, when is the maternity look of empire waists going away? I was tired of this during my last pregnancy twelve years ago! Do you know how uncomfortable that stupid bow is in the back when you sit down? Enough Already!! Please let the designers know that polyester feels wierd and should only be used for flight suits and leotards, neither of which are on my shopping list today.
Signed,
Happy to Live in Jeans and Tshirts
How is the Retail World treating you, my fellow Consumer?
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18 comments:
I think my retail world is about the same as yours, LOL! Thanks, these are great! :-)
Definitely the same as yours. Yesterday I went to buy a nursing bra in a 32 width and found out that size is rare???? Excuse me, but if 5'8" of me has a 32 width, what about all the freaking tiny Asian girls I work with???? I'm sure there are many petite women out there that need something smaller than a 34 width bra.
You are a little too good at writing these letters. By that, I mean that you've had waaaay too much practice.
So funny!
great letters my dear!! and i cannot believe that pet store owner didnt help you out or anything... i tell ya....
What? You don't like pretzel dust?
Thanks for this, I howled with laughter. Thanks also for the correct placement of the apostrophe. That filled me with pride!
These are always so funny Martha! I had a similar experience last week at my fav grocery store. Apparently they were running low on sackers and when I had finished paying Little Miss Cashier just gawked at me like, "Aren't you gonna sack your shit?" I was PIIIIIISSSEEED! I did bag it (who else was) and when putting the L.A.S.T. item in the bag, the cashier manager comes over "oh let me help you with that miss." SCREW OFF!
Great post, you had me lmao! Thanks for stopping by my blog.
Yeah I'm sick of those maternity looking shirts. Why would anyone want to look pregnant when their not?
OMG!!!!!!
The other day I went to grab a few items during a night of a huge storm. I love to hit any place when there are little to no crowds!!! Sure enough, it was dead. As i walked up to the cashier who had nobody in line, she sat there texting someone under the counter on her frickin phone. Then when I said hello and how glad I was to be shopping when noone was in the store, she ignored me and just had an overall look of disgust on her face for having to interrupt her texting. BAGH! Goooooo Martha! Oh and I AM pregnant and hate that look, the last two years since last pregnancy I could not get away from those damn shirts everywhere I went. Ick!!! Especially on the younger girls with tubby bellies, just looks HORRIBLE!!!
Twice lately I've had overly cheery cashiers and didn't know what to do because it was so foreign to me. BAHAHAHAHAHAHa
Actually, I have to admit, our local grocery store has really nice employees. Walmart is another story (in the next town)-I swear it's like they are in a trance or something. But then again, I wouldn't want to work there either.
Polyester gives me a rash. Please make it go away. Also, the bubble skirt/dress. It is uniformly unflattering. I keep trying the empire waist shirts to cover my unsightly belly, but it just makes things worse.
Love your letters Martha!
My letters would go something like this:
Dear Other Driver,
Please accelerate or move over.
Signed, I'm buying a 1978 any make/model car so I can ram you next time.
Dear Other Driver,
Do not turn in front of me when there is no one behind me. You know you're not going to go faster than I'm going, so you're clearly not in a hurry.
Signed, Impatient
and finally,
Dear Weather,
Cool off already. The air conditioning at work is ineffective.
Thanks,
Signed, Sweaty
Your letter always crack me up!
I love your letters! You really aught to send them...
Ha ha ha! I'm too tired to think of any of my own, but I thoroughly enjoyed yours. :)
hheheheh,
Yesterday, as usual I am guilty of using too many plastic bags according to my 21 yr old daughter, I bought a designer recycle bag. Yes, it is a designer bag by a famous designer. I didn't want the check out girl to put my grocery in it.
She asked why? I said I bought this expensive deginer bag to take it overseas and give it as a gift. She said I could still use it for my grocery. I said i didn't want my bag smelling of fish when I give it to my friend.
If I wanted to, i would buy a 99 cts bag.
She was quite nice and smiled.
Cheers,
Ann :)
I have had a lot of grumbly cashiers lately and usually young girls. I want to lay them off and give their jobs to other people.
I love your succinct letter writing style!!
Don't know about retail(maybe people are too nice here?), but I'd love to say:
Dear Unknown Female Coworker,
Shouldn't a professional woman in an office environment know better than to leave a toilet seat covered with the urine-soaked toilet paper I assume you placed there to protect your delicate fanny from the germs the rest of us could pass to you?
Do you think we want to sit on a seat covered with the more obvious germs from your urine?
Clean it up!
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