Dear Loser Letters - Retail Edition

Dear Grocery Store Cashier,

I think I hate grocery shopping almost as much as you hate working here. Ha, ha, No, I'm not pyschic or even especially insightful, your whole demeanor screams this attitude, Yes REALLY. Thank you for ringing up my order and practicing your shotput exercises all at the same time. See the bag, it's labeled PRETZELS, Not PRETZELS' Dust.

Signed, Next Time I'm Sending the Hubby


Dear Mom and Pop Petstore Owner,

I really appreciate and want to support the small business owner over the big chains. Plus, you are the closest store who carries our dog's kibble, so it's been a Win/Win. Now, not so much, not since I WATCHED you WATCH Me struggle with 30 lbs of dogfood, a purse, keys, and a kid while you smoked your cigarette by the front door. You even thanked me as we walked through your cloud of smoke while juggling all my stuff. At least the big chains offer carts and carryout service. Enjoy your smokes.

Signed, An UnLoyal Customer


Dear Department Store Merchandise Buyer,

Flutter and puffed sleeves (make that Puffed Anything!!) are not a good look for anyone over 30 y/o, no, make that anyone who doesn't work out as much as Madonna. Which is what, like 99.99999999999999999999999999999% of the female population? Also, when is the maternity look of empire waists going away? I was tired of this during my last pregnancy twelve years ago! Do you know how uncomfortable that stupid bow is in the back when you sit down? Enough Already!! Please let the designers know that polyester feels wierd and should only be used for flight suits and leotards, neither of which are on my shopping list today.

Signed,

Happy to Live in Jeans and Tshirts

How is the Retail World treating you, my fellow Consumer?