Grief Season/ Postcard to the Edge

While I was growing up, Thanksgiving was a favorite, most warm, and enjoyable holiday for my family. My mother put out a delicious spread of food, we used our fine china, damask linens, and depression glass serving ware, and we sang our Grace before the meal. (Actually my mother sang the song, "We Gather Together", the rest of us just kind of mouthed or hummed along.) I have many happy memories of those times together which I cherish.

For the last 25 years, a veil of sadness comes over me this time of year. This Thanksgiving, it is the 25th anniversary of my older brother's Jim's death at the age of 24 years. We were very close in age and in kindred spirit. He was my rock, my play, my guide, my friend. So now, he's been gone longer than he was here. This feeling of grief and longing for him to be with us, celebrating with his own family, weighs heavy on my heart and spirit. The sadness comes unbidden on these anniversaries, it's like a force of nature, outside of myself.

I want to send him a postcard-

I miss you, Jimmy.
I am good, living the life we always wanted and talked about when we were little, with a loving family and home to call our own. I remember you wanted to name your children, Brian and Ann, such lovely names. You would love my boys and my husband too and they would love you so, so much. I still have the matchbox cars we played with as children, they are among my most prized possessions. Your prism is next to my desk and when it casts rainbows, I feel you close to me.

I miss you, Jim, I always will. Thank you for the love we shared, I know my grief is the price I pay for all the joy and love you gave me.

Martha