Thank you all so much for your kind comments about my dealing the opportunistic MLM blogger. You know I must feel passionate about something to write more than 100 words!! Because of both my work with pediatric oncology patients and personal experience of losing a brother at 24 years old due to cancer, this whole issue really brought out my protective Mama Bear instinct. Thank you all again for the props, mucho appreciado.
I rarely get the opportunity to let folks know (politely of course!) that they are Not Making Good Choices!! Like these few examples of Dear Loser Letters-
Dear Fellow Forty-Something Baseball Team Mom,
I understand low cut jeans and hot pink thongs are the height of fashion. Please be aware of the effect of this combination when you lean or bend forward.
I have never seen my son's eyes open quite so Wide.
Signed, Not a Fan of Butt Floss
Dear Fellow Sixty-Something Baseball Team Grandpa-
We all appreciate it's 95 degrees during the game and you are trying to cope by wearing a tank top tshirt on your grandfatherly figure. Your ample mane of thick, swirly, dark body hair on your ample girth is too insulating for the sleeveless tshirt to be helpful.
It does however remind me I need to take the kids to the zoo this summer.
Signed, Not a Fan of Wife Beater Tshirts
Dear Moron Cigarette Smoker-
I understand you are an adult and you can smoke in your car while driving. Cars nowadays come equipped with an ashtray. Southern California is in a drought with tinderbox dry conditions. Please explain why you must flick your lit cigarette out the window.
Signed, Getting your License Plate Next Time
Addendum for Momma Val- (see I take requests)
Dear Mr.Clueless,
We all know how busy and important you are. This is to inform you the door the very pregnant lady was holding open wasn't intended for you, but for her toddler. Not you. Shocking I know as there really is no one else in the Universe. Now, tell me how I can contact your mother so I can slap her for Not Teaching You Any Manners!
Signed, You Should Be Ashamed
Showing posts with label Loser Letters. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Loser Letters. Show all posts
Friday, May 29, 2009
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Dear Loser Letters
Dear Fellow Dog Owner:
Thank you so much for the privilege of having to navigate around your dog’s poop. I know you consider it a work of art and despite the plentiful “mutt mitt” stations and garbage cans Right Next to the Sidewalk, you are too busy reading the paper to bother with such trifle. I mean, after all, it’s biodegradable. But not until someone in my family steps in it.
Signed, Watchful Walker
Dear Lady in Women’s Restroom at Mall:
Thank you so much for educating me on proper cell phone etiquette. All this time I have made sure to finish up my telephone call or my “business”, not combine the two like you have done!! What a multitasker you are!! I am so impressed that you just go ahead and keep on chatting away all through the tinkle, the flush, the handwashing, The Whole Thing!! That’s a God Given talent it is. I know Mr.President or the Neurosurgery department or someone really important was waiting for all that vital information that you shared.
Signed, Still in Shock
Dear Sometime Scout Leader:
Thank you so much for helping us with our parenting techniques. You have opened my eyes to the efficacy of belittling and criticizing a child about Non Important things. I see it works so well with your children who have perfected Pouting to an Art Form. I appreciate that you think sarcasm is solely wasted on us grownups. We will be limiting our exposure to your toxic ways. And I’m not “Just Kidding” like you always say at the end of a biting remark.
Signed, Stay Away From Us
Dear Tightwad Mom:
Thank you so much for letting me know how wholly inappropriate and outlandish it is that my husband and I spend money as we see fit and can afford. I know I have so much extra dough lying around, but why in the world would I want to spend it on throwing a party for a kid’s birthday? I mean, a Bounce House and Burgers!! Who in the world do we think we are?
Signed, Spendthrifty
Dear Quiet But Not Too Bright Neighbors:
Thank you for showing me that regular care and feeding of my cat is completely unnecessary. Cats don’t need to be safe and warm in their homes. Running away from the coyotes and owls is good exercise and vermin is the latest “raw” diet craze for felines. Our garden makes a perfect litter box for your two now feral cats to relieve themselves. That is until I put down sprinkled hot sauce in the garden.
Signed, Sorry for the Cats
Thank you so much for the privilege of having to navigate around your dog’s poop. I know you consider it a work of art and despite the plentiful “mutt mitt” stations and garbage cans Right Next to the Sidewalk, you are too busy reading the paper to bother with such trifle. I mean, after all, it’s biodegradable. But not until someone in my family steps in it.
Signed, Watchful Walker
Dear Lady in Women’s Restroom at Mall:
Thank you so much for educating me on proper cell phone etiquette. All this time I have made sure to finish up my telephone call or my “business”, not combine the two like you have done!! What a multitasker you are!! I am so impressed that you just go ahead and keep on chatting away all through the tinkle, the flush, the handwashing, The Whole Thing!! That’s a God Given talent it is. I know Mr.President or the Neurosurgery department or someone really important was waiting for all that vital information that you shared.
Signed, Still in Shock
Dear Sometime Scout Leader:
Thank you so much for helping us with our parenting techniques. You have opened my eyes to the efficacy of belittling and criticizing a child about Non Important things. I see it works so well with your children who have perfected Pouting to an Art Form. I appreciate that you think sarcasm is solely wasted on us grownups. We will be limiting our exposure to your toxic ways. And I’m not “Just Kidding” like you always say at the end of a biting remark.
Signed, Stay Away From Us
Dear Tightwad Mom:
Thank you so much for letting me know how wholly inappropriate and outlandish it is that my husband and I spend money as we see fit and can afford. I know I have so much extra dough lying around, but why in the world would I want to spend it on throwing a party for a kid’s birthday? I mean, a Bounce House and Burgers!! Who in the world do we think we are?
Signed, Spendthrifty
Dear Quiet But Not Too Bright Neighbors:
Thank you for showing me that regular care and feeding of my cat is completely unnecessary. Cats don’t need to be safe and warm in their homes. Running away from the coyotes and owls is good exercise and vermin is the latest “raw” diet craze for felines. Our garden makes a perfect litter box for your two now feral cats to relieve themselves. That is until I put down sprinkled hot sauce in the garden.
Signed, Sorry for the Cats
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