The Not So Terrible Teens

People including my own Mom and Dad warned me about the "teen years". I certainly know mine were tough, tough, tough for me and my parents with my mother reminding me that she stopped my dad from kicking me out of the house when I was 14 y/o. Gee, thanks, Mom, I do appreciate it and I guess I didn't realize it at the time, I was thisclose to becoming a ward of the state or worse, homeless. I guess I had forgotten in the intervening 34 years since my hellish youth, what an eff up I was, and that my parents, especially my Dad, who I always held in the highest esteem, was really ready to throw in the towel. My mother reminded me of this over our recent Thanksgiving dinner when she marveled at how "together you are now when you were such a messed up kid." Lovely holiday dinner conversation, no?

My crappy choices as a teen gave me serious schooling and I paid attention. As my dear friend, Kris says, "We know what it walks like, talks like, and smells like, we're not in the dark like our parents who had no clue." Even though I can't change my past decisions and journey, including all the pain and tough lessons, I don't think I would if I could. I have been tempered by the fire, traveled the hard road of insight, making amends, and been introduced to the healing effects of change and empathy. I also realized that part of my mom's difficulty in reconciling the person I was then, with who I am Now, is her lack of ownership or taking responsibility in my teen hell. Even though I was still at my childhood home, I was on my own, which gave me the gift of self reliance and independence, but it certainly carried a very High Price.

Someone should have warned my parents about the teen years, and also told them, hey, you didn't have it that Bad- I never got arrested, held back in school, or WORSE.

It is always startling and hurtful when those like our family, maintain a current image of you focused on the past, instead of the present. I hope and will work to let my boys know, that I cherish them not only for who they are as children, but also the adults they are becoming. Even when we butt heads, I know, (the hard way of course!), this is part of the journey as they transition from boys into men.

Thank you for sharing in my thoughts, teen angst and all.