Dear Loser Letters - "I Can't Believe You Just Said (Did) That" Edition

Dear Close Friend,

Thank you so much to you and your family for gracing us with your presence at our humble abode for like the twentieth or something time as our guests.
It just warms the cockles of my heart when you tell me, that you and your hubby don't ever like to have people over, (don't I know it!!), and, that you prefer to sit in your backyard, just you two! That sounds like a great idea, as I'm sure you have a lovely backyard which I haven't seen in several years. Enjoy.

Signed,

I Finally Get It


Dear Friend and Neighbor,

I am so delighted to help you with your worthy charity and I enjoy spending time together. However, it does get quite tiresome, that whenever I make a comment about having to drive the boys to sports or school, or something else required of raising children, that you say, "I am so glad I don't have to bother with that". Every single time. I finally agreed with you, I am so glad that you don't have to bother with the culmination of my life long dream either. I hope you enjoy your sweet lemons, and no, my grapes are not sour, thank you very much.

Signed,

Never Ever Criticized the Childfree by Choice so WTF??


Dear Clothing Store Checkout Lady,

Thank you so much for processing my return without the holy grail of retail, the receipt. Thank you also for explaining I now have a "one mark against me in the computer" for returning something sans receipt. I also completely understand why you need to see my driver's license to complete the transaction. What I Do Not Understand is why you felt it necessary to use my driver's license to scratch the dry, flaky skin on your arm during this process. I gotta tell you, not too many things catch me off my guard where I don't say anything, but this one got me good. I am not a germaphobe, but I was seriously grossed out and stunned into silence. Well, at least until I got home and called the Manager about your ahem, "personal grooming habits".

Signed,

Sanitized my I.D. for My Protection and Sanity

Girlfriend Lessons

Tomorrow, a group of us girlfriends are going out to lunch to celebrate a recent birthday. The party includes-

A girlfriend who talks incessantly, the rest of us joke that you don't contact her by telephone or email unless you have at least 30 minutes to spare. Really. Whew, she can talk the hind legs off a cat.

A girlfriend whose domineering husband, not too many of us, (myself included), can stand. He's arrogant and insecure which is all together much too tiresome.

A girlfriend who regularly teaches and preaches, wow, my mom doesn't preach to me this much, ever. (Maybe she should have).

A girlfriend whose family has been over to our house for parties and dinners dozens of times and who doesn't ever reciprocate. (And that's okay, we enjoy their company and accept this is part of the dealio.)

The thing about girlfriends is, this stuff really doesn't matter cause you know they have your back and you have theirs when it matters and how it matters.