Dear Close Friend,
Thank you so much to you and your family for gracing us with your presence at our humble abode for like the twentieth or something time as our guests.
It just warms the cockles of my heart when you tell me, that you and your hubby don't ever like to have people over, (don't I know it!!), and, that you prefer to sit in your backyard, just you two! That sounds like a great idea, as I'm sure you have a lovely backyard which I haven't seen in several years. Enjoy.
Signed,
I Finally Get It
Dear Friend and Neighbor,
I am so delighted to help you with your worthy charity and I enjoy spending time together. However, it does get quite tiresome, that whenever I make a comment about having to drive the boys to sports or school, or something else required of raising children, that you say, "I am so glad I don't have to bother with that". Every single time. I finally agreed with you, I am so glad that you don't have to bother with the culmination of my life long dream either. I hope you enjoy your sweet lemons, and no, my grapes are not sour, thank you very much.
Signed,
Never Ever Criticized the Childfree by Choice so WTF??
Dear Clothing Store Checkout Lady,
Thank you so much for processing my return without the holy grail of retail, the receipt. Thank you also for explaining I now have a "one mark against me in the computer" for returning something sans receipt. I also completely understand why you need to see my driver's license to complete the transaction. What I Do Not Understand is why you felt it necessary to use my driver's license to scratch the dry, flaky skin on your arm during this process. I gotta tell you, not too many things catch me off my guard where I don't say anything, but this one got me good. I am not a germaphobe, but I was seriously grossed out and stunned into silence. Well, at least until I got home and called the Manager about your ahem, "personal grooming habits".
Signed,
Sanitized my I.D. for My Protection and Sanity
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17 comments:
So,I would do just about anything to stay on your good side re: the cooking thing. Seriously.
Also, that was not a store we went to together, was it? Because I am so going to sterilize my ID, and I don't remember anyone asking for it.
These brought me a good chuckle early this a.m.! I cannot believe that store clerk!!!! Not only do you have a mark against you, she put her mark on you!
This isn't Husband dearest posting on your blog, right? Seriously it is just the kind of thing he'd write. Once when complaining about the length of time it was taken for our new washing machine to be delivered, he pointed out that no we were not in a hurry to receive said machine as 'after all we have an extremely usable stream at the bottom of the street - it was just a shame there were no rocks to beat the clothes against. That and there was, no doubt, some totally ridiculous law about the polution of water ways.
Eeeewwww!!! What's wrong with people? That is completely uncouth! Scratching your arm with someone's ID - yuck.
And the other two...are just odd. If your close friend prefers to sit in her back yard with her husband, why does she accept your invitations anyway? Of course, since I am obnoxious, I would simply inform her that next time you have a gathering, you'll let them continue on with their tradition of sitting alone in their back yard. And the neighbor? Sounds like she's trying to convince herself, if she keeps repeating it...
oooooh super yuck to that last one!!
but great letters!!!
You are SO good at these.
And really? With your license?
Ewwwwww!
You crack me up! Glad to see another edition of your letters! So sorry you have to deal with that stuff, but they are so funny when you look at them that way.
I have friends like the close friend.
I bet I know which neighbor this is!
And OMG at the disgustingness of the retail check out lady! GRODY!
You are so funny Martha. I really hope that last one wasn't true!
Hi Martha, Just stopping by to wish you Happy Birthday!
What a great way to vent - I love these letters. And ew, gross tell me she really didn't scratch herself with your card.
Oh my word... that last letter... was it at Walmart, because I could totally see it happening at mine!
hahaha! These are funny....the best is the one about hosting all those parties for your friends without them reciprocating with an invitation to theirs.....and making a point to tell you they will probably never invite you. I bet your place is so much more fun to go to anyway...after seeing your post about the Mediterranean pot-luck
p.s. I would totally have you over to my house and serve you some tasty food and favorite wine....now that I think of it.....we always do the hosting also. =)
Eeek! Are you kidding? Bleh!
Ahem. This reminds me that we still have not had you over to our place like I said, oh, over a YEAR ago. But I would never scratch my dry scaly arm with your driver's license. I promise.
I saw them setting up the OLPH carnival and couldn't believe it had been a year.
Hey, just be glad she was only scratching her arm.
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