Dear Loser Letters - Because Life is Too Short to Hold it All Inside

Dear Large Chain Art store employee,

Another lady and I waited for fifteen minutes in the framing department to pick up our completed artwork. Please believe me when I walk all the way back to the front of store to ask you to please page the framing department guy that HE's Not There. Or maybe, he's invisible and I'm a liar?

Signed, I Retrieved My Own Picture, Thank you very much.


Dear Furniture Sales Guy,

You might not remember us but we ordered our new couch and chair 12 weeks ago!!! I understand the fabric is backordered and hopefully is due in this week, and pray tell, how do I know? I've called the store, numerous, countless times. I guess your phones don't make Outgoing calls! Or maybe your other customers just don't care about their stuff like we do?

Signed, Never Giving you my Business Again


Dear Man who called about Buying the Used Minivan,

Thank you so much for your interest in buying our used car. You, however, are too Stupid to buy our car, as you did not LEAVE a return phone number.

Signed, A NonPyschic without Caller ID


Dear House,

A self cleaning oven is a step in the right direction, but what I am really looking for is a Self Cleaning House! C'mon, we have the technology to make babies sound like investment advisors and land an ATV on Mars, this is NOT TOO Much to Ask! Especially since my hometown girlfriends from Ohio are visiting us this weekend before I spend a girl's weekend away with them in Santa Barbara and Santa Monica. C'mon, pretty please? I'll get your carpets cleaned professionally...

Signed, Not to Be Confused with the Other Martha


Dear Kid Who Stole My son's bike,

I bet you were suprised and significantly humilated, (oh, sorry for using such big words), to have a petite, middle aged woman get all up in your face and take her son's bike BACK. That's right, yessirree, I thought so, darn right. Learn anything?
I just wanted to leave you with this parting thought courtesy of the boy whose bike you stole and is now returned to him, "It Must Suck to Be you."

Signed, It Sure Doesn't Suck to be Us!