I hope you breathe a sigh of relief as I spare you any more pithy comments. (At least for awhile.) It’s been very hectic between work (cold, flu, pneumonia, and RSV season) and the holidays. We still need to put the house back together after painting, attack the Mount Everest of laundry, start holiday food shopping and cooking, gift wrapping, and decorating. Our artificial tree is still safely ensconced in its’ box in the garage. Does the term “Deep Weeds” come to mind? It does for me. I was talking with my husband and we’re both fatalistic about it all. I mean what’s the point? It’s kind of like rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic and it takes away that we are blessed, thankful, and appreciative of our abundance.
There is sadness and sweetness of the season IRL and in blogland. I still have been ruminating over “Tertiary mourning” and how it changed and touched me as both a giver and recipient of this type of authentic and unexpected caring.
Twenty two years ago, I was a witness of tertiary mourning when I watched my mother embrace another mother, a stranger, who also lost her much loved and missed child. The beauty and terrible grace of that moment lives within me still.
It opened my heart and mind to the power of this gift, a simple embrace, an acknowledgement. My mother at that moment, was and still is, extraordinarily brave. I think when we reach out to provide comfort we honor our lost loves. I thank her for her example by not being afraid to be present during grief.
I know her son, my brother is proud.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
11 comments:
I've been doing some tertiary mourning for Emilie today...
You are such a great person and amazing support. I really get so much from your posts and comments.
Thank you
J
My problem is that I want to say something helpful, but I am completely incapable. I always say the wrong thing. So it's better to be silent. But it's not, because grief should be acknowledged.
That is the question...is it better to be silent, or is it better to say something (even if it will end up being thoughtless and offensive)?
I guess my solution would be to limit myself to saying "I'm so sorry. Is there anything I can do?" Maybe that's the reason I've discovered the IF blogging world. I'm much better in print than in person, and now I'm getting some practice in the proper application of tertiary mourning. I can only hope it will carry over to primary and secondary mourning.
oh how i second that last commentator's comment...in person it seems that saying nothing ... just showing up ... is all that's needed sometimes... perhaps in print an im sorry is the equivalent. thank you for your lovely comment on my post tonight. i thought about taking it down after i posted it because it seemed rather cranky and not at all in keeping with the season, but i decided to be honest and to let it stand. just one thing i must sharewith you - my grandmother may well have been a source of unconditional love but it wasn't any sort of love you wanted to have. it was a vinegary kind of love, a lot of interesting flavor but full of acid, too. i like her much better now she's dead :).
And I'm so thankful for your mum. Your mum modeled that behaviour, that bravery for you, and you share it so generously and kindly with us.
For those who don't know what to say - that's what hugs are for.
I have realized many times how scary it can be to share in grieving. It makes us uncomfortable. We're afraid we'll do or say the wrong thing. But I would guess that most people just want and even need that support and helping hand. There is no right or wrong way to go about it, it's just the effort. Thank you for the reminder. I've got a friend whose husband died this year, and this post reminded me not to stay away, but to be there for her. Thank you.
I wanted to let you know that I got the books and card you sent for Dallyn yesterday. I was so excited! He's got a little package started and I know it will really help him and his mother. Thanks so much for your support!
I think tertiary mourning can be a wonderfully supportive thing.
Yikes to the house painting, reminds me of last Christmas, a 6 month old, painting the house we were moving into and moving. I did manage to get a tree up somehow! Good luck with the rest of the painting, it looks great from the photos!
Martha is a raffle winner! =)
Congrats!
You are like your mother. It shows in the way you write, and also your choice of work. You strive to be there for others, strangers....your brother would be proud. =)
The internet/blogs have allowed us to connect with people in a way never before possible. Sometimes the connections can be very intimate. I've met some wonderful people who I might never meet, and some that I had the opportunity to get to know in person through travels. Tertiary Mourning is a blessing.
Post a Comment